Jayrey’s Universal Power Rankings 5/22/2018

1. Tom Wolfe – This is an odd choice at #1 and it really bums me out, but I just had to commemorate the passing of one of my all-time favorite authors, Tom Wolfe. The Bonfire of the Vanities is an incredible literary work and I recommend to anyone who hasn’t read it yet, to run (don’t walk) to the nearest used book store and pick up a copy. A Man in Full and I Am Charlotte Simmons aren’t too shabby either. You may also note these behemoths in his bibliography: The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test and The Right Stuff.

726. Aaron Schlossberg – Oh dear. We all know that attorneys sometimes get a bad rap, but you know what gets an even worse rap? Racist attorneys. By now, you’ve already seen the footage of uber bigot Schlossy yelling disgustingly racist and offensive remarks at two women who were speaking Spanish in a New York eatery near his Manhattan office. Um, pal, a bit of free advice: New York is NOOOOOT the city in which to do that. Look, I’m not that good at things and even I know that. Turns out this guy has a history of racist confrontations. I’m no Bill Gates or Elon Musk, but pulling off such a move in such a diverse city as New York just seems to be bad for business. And my oh my the court of public opinion has delivered some swift justice. His business profile has been turned into a Mexican restaurant, his office building terminated his lease and forbid him from entering the premises, and a gofundme was started to send a taco truck and mariachi band outside his office. And come on, I challenge any of you to tell me that it doesn’t brighten your day to watch the clips of him carrying a gigantic umbrella to shield himself from the New York Post reporters while wearing a beanie with his suit and tie and just take off into a dead sprint down the middle of the street like Usain Bolt at the Beijing Summer Games. Hey rednecks and racists, you may want to go crawl down into a hole in whatever red state cesspool you came from, because, newsflash, you’re not wanted. Peace!


723. Starbucks – I’ve gotta call it like I see it. Starbucks, just stop being racist. Please. That’s all I ask. I enjoy your coffee very much, and I don’t think the racism is a systemic issue at your stores, but please, for all of our sakes, just stop. Last week the coffee megacorp took it on the jaw again after one of its employees in LA wrote a racial slur on a customer’s drink. *Facepalm* What in the actual f… To quote the late, great Dead Joe (as I often do), “WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!” Just as with the human sh*theel immediately above, there’s just no place for this anymore.

5,000. Gun Violence – This is not even remotely funny. We had another mass school shooting last week. This time in Santa Fe, Texas. Heart of the Trump-loving gun country! The mass shootings are disturbing and out of control. They’re happening with sickening frequency. What are the Republicans doing about it? Not a damn thing. I have to choke back vomit every time I hear someone who can barely spell the word “Constitution” rant and rave about their Second Amendment rights. Here’s all you need to know: so far this year, more people have been killed in school shootings than in all of our current wars combined. Let that sink in. Mothers, your kids are more likely to get killed going to school than going to war.

Adios Amigos!




Author: Jayrey26

Orange Badger with a Torero J.D.

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